I have a habit that sometimes makes my wife quite nervous. I love to talk to strangers, learn about them, and their lives. It’s fascinating to me how many of these strangers are, in some way, connected to me well within the often mentioned 6 degrees of separation.
There have been times where I was able to impart wisdom to them and many where I learned more from them than I ever could have if I just walked past with a simple wave.
Great article, Jason, I had known little about “Our Town” until today. I’ll have to catch a performance sometime soon.
My dad had the same habit (which my wife says I possess as well). I think it's awesome. Like you, I'm fascinated to learn more about people. People say I'm a good conversationalist but it's because I ask questions, the answers to which I genuinely want to know. I'm sure you're the same. People are interesting!
It's funny you should mention fathers! My own father had the ability to strike up a conversation with a waiter or waitress (we often went to the "Hot Shoppe" on Sundays or Fridays), and he would have them in STITCHES within minutes! His attitude made him unforgettable, and I strive to be like him to this day. A smile often makes a long shift seem shorter and more bearable.
I recently re-read Our Town as I read Tom Lake - because that book definitely lives inside Our Town! I was struck by its simplicity and deeply moved by its message. Your idea to really pay attention to each person as a unique child of God really gets to the core of it. Each person is a precious jewel and they each have stories you've never heard - definitely worth your time to take a few minutes and listen and let yourself be captured by their gleam. Thank you for your wonderful essays!
Thank you, Dawn. I agree that it's worth our time to speak with others. Some of us find it natural and others have to work on pushing past the small talk. But I find it worthwhile more often than not.
I really struggle to come up with the right questions to engage a person and show love. Is it a failure of observation, of remembering details from past contact, or just lack of perception?
May God grant me the wisdom, insight and love to ask questions that will show caring interest without offending by “prying!”
Thank you for sharing this, Jonathan. I don't think you're alone in how you feel. I think you're on the right path with your prayer.
Meeting new people isn't as difficult because they don't expect you to know anything about them. You can ask almost anything and start a conversation.
With people you know there sometimes is a fine line between showing interest and "prying," but I think most people can tell when someone sincerely asks out of concern or caring and when someone just wants gossip. I have found that people usually enjoy talking about themselves, so I try to make the conversation about them as much as possible. It's harder if your mind is drawing a blank on details, but if you can remember even just one thing about the other person you can start by asking or mentioning that one thing. Usually, they will say something to spark your memory or at the very least you can carry on an organic conversation building on whatever is said.
It's not scripture, but I often think of the quote by Maya Angelou which I have found to be true: "People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."
I think people can sense and feel love when you actually feel it towards them. Conversations don't matter as much if they feel you care about them. When in doubt, tell them you're adding to your prayer list and ask if there's anything they'd like you to pray for. Then add them to your prayer list and pray for them. You'll have something to talk about the next time you see them!
May I offer one little suggestion? Ask the person if they had a good breakfast (or lunch). This works even in the grocery store, at the checkout line. The person is usually surprised that you even CARE that they HAD breakfast (or lunch)! Then promise to pray for them that night. I can usually get at least a smile from someone!
I have loved this play ever since I was first introduced to it in high school -- over 50 years ago! Thank you for highlighting it, and reminding us to pay attention to the PEOPLE around us! I have been challenged by your "three" approach! Blessings on your writing!
Sometimes the simpler the better!
I would say most of the time. One of my ongoing themes is figuring out how to simplify things.
I have a habit that sometimes makes my wife quite nervous. I love to talk to strangers, learn about them, and their lives. It’s fascinating to me how many of these strangers are, in some way, connected to me well within the often mentioned 6 degrees of separation.
There have been times where I was able to impart wisdom to them and many where I learned more from them than I ever could have if I just walked past with a simple wave.
Great article, Jason, I had known little about “Our Town” until today. I’ll have to catch a performance sometime soon.
My dad had the same habit (which my wife says I possess as well). I think it's awesome. Like you, I'm fascinated to learn more about people. People say I'm a good conversationalist but it's because I ask questions, the answers to which I genuinely want to know. I'm sure you're the same. People are interesting!
It's funny you should mention fathers! My own father had the ability to strike up a conversation with a waiter or waitress (we often went to the "Hot Shoppe" on Sundays or Fridays), and he would have them in STITCHES within minutes! His attitude made him unforgettable, and I strive to be like him to this day. A smile often makes a long shift seem shorter and more bearable.
I recently re-read Our Town as I read Tom Lake - because that book definitely lives inside Our Town! I was struck by its simplicity and deeply moved by its message. Your idea to really pay attention to each person as a unique child of God really gets to the core of it. Each person is a precious jewel and they each have stories you've never heard - definitely worth your time to take a few minutes and listen and let yourself be captured by their gleam. Thank you for your wonderful essays!
Thank you, Dawn. I agree that it's worth our time to speak with others. Some of us find it natural and others have to work on pushing past the small talk. But I find it worthwhile more often than not.
"Saints and poets, maybe" The ability to really see and live is a by-product of an inner change.
I really struggle to come up with the right questions to engage a person and show love. Is it a failure of observation, of remembering details from past contact, or just lack of perception?
May God grant me the wisdom, insight and love to ask questions that will show caring interest without offending by “prying!”
Thank you for sharing this, Jonathan. I don't think you're alone in how you feel. I think you're on the right path with your prayer.
Meeting new people isn't as difficult because they don't expect you to know anything about them. You can ask almost anything and start a conversation.
With people you know there sometimes is a fine line between showing interest and "prying," but I think most people can tell when someone sincerely asks out of concern or caring and when someone just wants gossip. I have found that people usually enjoy talking about themselves, so I try to make the conversation about them as much as possible. It's harder if your mind is drawing a blank on details, but if you can remember even just one thing about the other person you can start by asking or mentioning that one thing. Usually, they will say something to spark your memory or at the very least you can carry on an organic conversation building on whatever is said.
It's not scripture, but I often think of the quote by Maya Angelou which I have found to be true: "People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."
I think people can sense and feel love when you actually feel it towards them. Conversations don't matter as much if they feel you care about them. When in doubt, tell them you're adding to your prayer list and ask if there's anything they'd like you to pray for. Then add them to your prayer list and pray for them. You'll have something to talk about the next time you see them!
Fantastic response and perfect final paragraph!
Beautifully said! When I find I don't have the right words, I strive to listen. Often it helps.
May I offer one little suggestion? Ask the person if they had a good breakfast (or lunch). This works even in the grocery store, at the checkout line. The person is usually surprised that you even CARE that they HAD breakfast (or lunch)! Then promise to pray for them that night. I can usually get at least a smile from someone!
I have loved this play ever since I was first introduced to it in high school -- over 50 years ago! Thank you for highlighting it, and reminding us to pay attention to the PEOPLE around us! I have been challenged by your "three" approach! Blessings on your writing!